do you what’s it like for your body to become an abandoned home? for someone to set fire to your home? to burn and to burn and to burn.
why?
why this? why me? why?
after you touched me i shattered, so fast and everyone just watched me. poor little girl. if only she knew how to protect herself. if only she didn’t go out that night. if only she fought a little harder. people talk about me like I am the broken one. not him. not how HE was the broken one. not how the act of him thrusting into me was broken. they talk about the fact that i didn’t run away faster. that I didn’t fight harder. the fact that me screaming wasn’t enough for him to stop. they are right — poor little girl. poor me.
and after all this time all i can say to you is — why?
to the man who touched me. to the man who has no name. the man i only know by the heaviness of his chest crushing me. by the way he thrusted into me. his smile glaring down at me. to the man who got no blame. only my body to blame. only my body was left. i can’t be angry at the man with no name. just this body. this empty frame. and i carve the word why into my thighs. right where he touched. right where i died.
i am waiting for him to collect the body he left on the street that night. the body he stole. the body i no longer wish to hold. the body that has gone cold.
i use to play games like this as kid. catch and kiss. did no one teach you the rules? the way I ran only made you run faster, even though i told you I didn’t want to play. that I wasn’t playing your little game. but you looked at me like prey. but i didn’t want to play. i didn’t want to play.
so to the man who touched me that night. to the man who doesn’t even know my name. to the man who stole so many pieces of me. to the man who took everything that night. to the man who wanted to break me. here I am. broken. shattered. empty. to the man who touched me — why?
I’m at the doctor office and this baby keeps yelling “I want donow” (mcdonalds) and the big brother (I assume) said “all the mcdonalds burnt down, there’s no more mcdonalds”
can we all come together and agree that the saying “no one can truly love you until you love yourself” is trash. loving yourself takes time, and it isn’t always easy. Know that there are people out there who love you, even when you struggle to.
The beginning of love. This love can arise suddenly, but is transient, not yet firm in the heart.
2. الْعَلاقَةُ (‘alaqah) = Attachment
Love that becomes attached to the heart, and loses the transitory property ofhawa.
3. الْكَلَفُ (kalaf) = Infatuation
Love that begins to intensify and have a physical affect on the lover.
4. الْعِشْقُ (‘ishq) = Desire
Love that engulfs the heart of the lover entirely, and takes it as its residence, such that love and the heart in which it resides become intimately familiar with one-another. This love blinds the lover to any faults in the beloved.
Love that starts to burn, but at this stage, the love is still pleasurable in the heart.
6. الشّغَفُ (shaghaf) = Affliction
Destructive, all-consuming love. The heart begins to be devoured by the love.
7. اَلْجَوَى (jawaa)= Grief
Love that started with the outer covering of the heart. It takes over the entire heart, and results in an inner grief and sorrow.
8. التّيْمُ (taym) = Enslavement
Love to the point where the heart is enslaved to the beloved.
9. التَّبْل (tabl) = Malady
Love, which was once living pleasurably in the heart, having made it its home, now turns against the heart, and so overwhelms, confounds and bewilders it, that it is as though it were its enemy.
10. التَّدْلِيْه (tadleeh) = Disorder
Love when the heart is thus being destroyed from within, and begins to lose all sense of balance and reason, it goes into a state of chaos and disorder.
the queen could literally intervene and stop british children from being so malnourished that there has been a widespread return of rickets in the country but she won’t. kate and baldy could do something about this instead of going to various ex-colonies of britain and lecturing locals about the dangers of having too many children whilst they are expecting their third inbred freeloader but they won’t. megan markle and ginger are going on a £120,000 honeymoon. whilst children forced into poverty by the tories fill their pockets with food at school just to get through the weekend. the lifestyle and entitlement of the royal family remains absolutely and completely morally indefensible.
